Last Day in Europe

Sun rising over the Mediterranean Sea on my last day in Spain

I wrote this on my last day in Europe. This is my first chance to post it.....

I woke up a 6:30 this morning so I could get up and see the sun rise over Mediterranean Sea. How many times do you get the chance to experience that in a lifetime? I walked down to the ocean and tried to get a cup of coffee. Nothing opens until 8:45 so I was out of luck. I walked up and down the boardwalk until the sun started peeking over the calm sea. There were clouds right on the horizon which made the first 30 minutes a mixture of bright colors that can't be copied by any color-match system. My last morning in Spain and I am going to take in every last second.

It's not easy leaving this country. Six months ago living and studying in Spain was just a dream that likely would never come true. Before I knew it I was living the last few seconds of what became reality. Not only did I study in Spain, but I visited five other countries.

This is not a recap. I'm not sure I want to recap as that means this chapter of my life is over. Time wise this would be the shortest chapter, but maybe the longest in experiences. Will I ever again sit and talk with a bartender, in Spanish, about her desire to open up a home in Mexico for children in bad situations at home? Probably not. WIll I ever have the task of convincing a shop owner that Americans as a whole are not solely about making an extra dollar? Nope. Will my life ever be as relaxing as the Spanish lives are? It doesn't look good.

In fact, I may never recap on here. I would love to grab a cup of coffee sometime with you and tell you more. That's what I did in Sevilla and that's what I will do back in the States. My life was too good in Spain not to integrate it into my life wherever I end up.

This may be offensive...

I have to be careful here because in one blog post I have the opportunity to offend every person that reads this. If I offend you I assure you of two things: 1.) I have no intentions of hurting you, and 2.) I edited everything I type here and yes I meant to say it the way it's written (I do not guarantee my grammar or speling).

A number of people have asked me during my time in Europe what God is doing or has done in my life since I left the States. After seven weeks of being here I still don't know how to answer those questions. Don't get me wrong, everyone that asks me is a friend and I completely know their intentions. They really do want to know that I continue to walk a straight and narrow path.

I decided before this trip that with everything that used to occupy my brain, the things I couldn't control, I was done with. That includes me continually worrying about what God is doing and whether He is pleased with me or not. You will probably not read this in the way it was intended. I don't know how else to say it.

I try my best to keep people informed of my life in Sevilla. Maybe even to the detriment of my learning as it's not the best thing to spend a lot of time writing in English while I could be writing in Spanish. I write because I feel the urge to write. I write and take pictures because I am alone on this journey and I want somebody to get a glimpse of what God is doing with my life. The pictures and posts and videos are there because I need to share this experience with someone close to me. I was not created to go through life and hoard all the incredible things I experience to myself. I just wasn't made that way.

mariettanomad.blogspot.com is what God is doing in my life. I write my thoughts on Twitter and post pics on Facebook because that is what God is doing in my life. When I talk with you or email or creep on Facebook I believe that whatever I take from those means of communication is what God is doing in your life...even if you don't believe in the same God I do.

I can tell you anything I want. I know how my Spanish teacher wants me to answer a question, I know what the girl in the bar wants to hear to keep her interested, and I know the buzz words the Christian wants to hear about how God is working. If most Christians that talk to me, read my blog, and/or see my Facebook profile feel like I am a bad representation of Jesus, I'm sorry, but that is what is coming form my heart.

There are events in my life I will not post anywhere. Some situations are between me and another person or group. If they want to tell people how God is using me great. If they don't notice that God is using me then I can't control that, only He can. My belief in God means that He will make Himself evident in other's eyes because I am not good enough to allow someone to see Him. All I can do is try like hell to treat others in the manner they deserve. Do I always do that? No, which leads me to...

It's too hard to be perfect. In our pursuit for perfection we miss out on the things in front of us today. I have tried to be perfect and it has gotten me nowhere. The time and thoughts it took to attempt to be the perfect Christian I could have used to show the love we are called to exemplify.

I don't like writing like this. I believe actions are bigger than spoken or written words.

A Couple New Friends

Carmen and Marga after visiting the market in Cartuja. They have been my very best friends here and have been incredibly patient with my terrible Spanish. I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be to have to slow down and simplify your words for someone like me. They might kill me for putting this up so we will keep this between us.

Control My Life or Let it Be?

One of the many parks in Sevilla

I don't know why but I am having a lot of trouble writing about this past week in Sevilla. Last time we conversed I had decided to give up my worrying about lack of progress in this language. The big question for me was whether I would actually do that or revert back to my usual life of worrying that I wasn't doing enough.

I will say this: I don't think my mind has ever been this tired. Yesterday I started talking and thinking Spanish at 10:00 AM with one friend and eventually I left another friend's house at 3:30 AM because I just couldn't think in Spanish anymore. My brain finally overloaded with this language. It was a great day and the perfect end to an incredible week.

For the first time since arriving in Sevilla I looked forward to class. I no longer view it as the end all and be all of my Spanish lessons. In fact the four hours I put in everyday is maybe 20% of what it takes to learn this language the right way. I could be in class 12 hours, but I wouldn't learn all that I did last week. Having said that, there is no way I would be speaking with my Spanish friends like I am if not for the classes. They give a base I couldn't get out on the streets. Somehow it just all comes together to work perfectly. Funny how life tends to do that sometimes if we stop trying to control it so much.

On Tuesday I went to my first Flamenco show with my friend Marta from Poland. It was a little expensive but really good. Later in the week I learned that it turned out to be worth what I paid. On Thursday I met Sara (au pair friend from Texas), Javier (Sevillano that works near my school), and Santa (another au pair and friend of Sara's) and we went to another flamenco show. This was more for the tourists, it was free, and wasn't as good of a show. The company was great, though. Santa is from Latvia so we had quite a diverse table. Plus Sara is patient with helping my Spanish.
Sara and I at the Flamenco Show. Sorry Sara, I stole this off your Facebook without permission

This weekend I think I will look back and say this was the weekend that turned around my time in Sevilla. Today, Monday, as I type this I feel like I am part of this city and no longer visiting. It's a great feeling and I hope you get a chance to feel that in a place other than your hometown. Friday night I met Carmen and her friends in Alameda. I have talked about Alameda before. It is a very eclectic place. I might call it the Little 5 Points in Sevilla. I don't think there is a lifestyle or nationality that is not represented. This is the night when Carmen's friends started becoming my friends as well. Oh yeah, none of them speak English. Complete Spanish the whole night. Did I understand everything said? No, not even close. But I was able to get the buzz words and answer their questions in Spanish.
Alameda during the day

Saturday started out like a Saturday would in the States. I got up and walked around the city and ended up at my favorite coffee shop, Emperador Trajano. Fati was working and there were very few people as not many people get up as early as I do. For two hours I sat at the bar and we talked music, a little politics, Sevilla, and of course Obama. Everyone here loves to talk about Obama. She doesn't speak any English so I got two hours of listening and talking. Priceless. Saturday night was more of the same with Carmen and friends. We stayed at the bar, Caferia, and talked about nothing in particular. I hope to get pics of all these people soon so I can talk about them more in depth. They are quite interesting.
My friend Carmen. I took this picture because I was helping her post an ad in English for a London site to be an au pair in England.

I am not ready to talk about yesterday but I will get that out in the next few days. It was a long day that had me leaving a house in mid conversation because I couldn't think in Spanish anymore.

An observation about my time here: It is much harder to become friends with guys than it is with girls. The guys have not quite accepted me into their circle yet. They are opening up slowly to include me, but it has taken a lot more time with them than with the women. A couple of them were fixing a bike yesterday and I just sat there and asked them questions about it. Maybe this week will be different.

I have learned much about myself as well this week. I've learned that worrying was only holding me back. More importantly I have the confidence that I will not fall back into that pattern. What an amazing feeling!

I only have two weeks left. Not enough time. Not nearly enough time. And when I say this I'm not talking about Spanish anymore. I'm talking about the friendships I continue to build upon and grow into.

Good times from Sevilla,

Jesse

I Quit

[THE PICTURES ARE NOT TIED INTO THE TOPIC OF THE BLOG WHATSOEVER]

Plaza de España

I quit. I’m done. No more. He terminado. No mas. No puedo hacerlo.

There are many reasons one travels. There are the obvious ones: To see new places, see where historical events took place, and get away from everyday life for a little while. A fewer number of travelers leave for those obvious reasons but also to experience a new culture, meet people different than themselves, and make an attempt at learning a new language. Then there are the reasons travelers don’t want to admit. We feel a need to do the aforementioned things but anyone that spends extended time also feels a need for something in their life to be different. Maybe I found mine.

Alameda de Hercules. A huge plaza with playgrounds and water fountains where statues like this are at the front and back

It’s no secret to people close to me that I put a lot of pressure on myself and I worry too much about the future. Those characteristics showed up the first few days of this trip when I started worrying about whether LA was having a good time and the pressure I felt to make sure it was a perfect trip for her. Now I am halfway through my studies and I am frustrated with my progress and I feel like I should be doing more to learn this language. Occasionally I will compare myself to my classmates, who are working on their 3rd, 4th, or 5th languages, and wonder why I cannot pick this up as quickly as they can.

And then this morning I was running and trying to conjugate irregular verbs in the future imperfect tense in Spanish when I stopped. I stopped running, I stopped conjugating, and generally stopped my mind. I turned 90 degrees to face the slowly passing river I was running next to. As the single, double and quad rowing teams went by I sat there and realized I was in Sevilla, Spain. Three months ago I couldn’t have told you where this place was located and now I am enjoying the landscape of it.

Emperador Trajano Café. My new favorite coffee shop. It's 30 minutes away, but I nee time to listen to my Spanish podcasts, right?

Before I left someone asked me what my goals were for my time in Europe. I told them that if I don’t come back with the ability to have a conversation in Spanish I would consider it a failed trip. First things first, deciding to spend 16 days to travel through Europe at the start of this journey was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Those are the best 16 consecutive days of my life. Nobody will ever be able to take away what I saw and the history experienced and the friendships created. So, there is no way for this trip as a whole to fail. However, I have not been pleased with my progress with this language.

Sitting by the river realizing all the places I have seen is where I decided that I am done. I am a very prideful person and when I come home and my Spanish is lacking my pride will be hurt badly. I don’t care anymore. I am done with my prideful self, I am done all the worries, and I am done with my inability to enjoy my surroundings.

Wedding getting out near my school.

Could I learn this language in 6 weeks? Possibly. If I spent every second of my day with my head in my books I might be fluent in Spanish, but I doubt it. There are just too many other experiences in Sevilla, Spain, and Europe that I could miss if I do that. This is one of the reasons for traveling that I didn’t want to admit. It is one of the things I was supposed to learn that I wouldn’t have gotten if I had not left my job, rented out my house, and left my comfort zone.

Fans before kickoff of Sevilla v. Real Madrid

My pride kills the fun I could be having. Worrying and putting pressure on myself does nothing but suck the life out of me. And I am ready to enjoy the last few weeks here. I may not be able to be a translator next time I go to Mexico, but I will be able to get across what I want or understand the needs of the people in Renacimiento. And I will be able to look back on this trip and remember the good times in Rome, Salzburg, and Sevilla. I look back at these last five weeks and consider them the best five weeks of my life. I want to make sure when I get home I am talking about the best nine weeks of my life.

Starting now…

Walking into the Sunrise

I was lucky enough to watch the sun come up this morning over the beach in Cádiz. I was walking from my friend's place (which is about 30 steps away from the beach) to the train station. It was perfect timing to make the walk. I left the apartment when it was dark outside and the only thing I could see were silhouettes of people sleeping or sitting on the beach. The walk from the apartment to the station took me 50 minutes and all but the last five minutes are on the boardwalk. As I made my way the sun slowly started to come up and I actually got to watch it rise. What an incredible walk!



This was the end of a very good 24 hours. I left Sevilla by train at 11:00 a.m. on Saturday and was back at 11:00 a.m. Sunday. While it seems like it's not much time it reminded of the 16 days traveling through Europe, meaning I made the most of the time I had. I visited Old Cádiz, the oldest city in Europe, when I first arrived. I met my friend Lily and we made the 50 minute walk to the new side of Cadiz where the beaches are. I went for a run to a lighthouse/castle on the beach in the hot part of the day. After the run I met Lily and jumped in the Atlantic. Then, some guys from the Spanish military started playing beach soccer and we were lucky enough to be invited in the game. Running, swimming and soccer on the beach is about as perfect of an exercise day as I can think of.



After that we had good wine, good food, and great conversations in Spanish (I was listening, but everyone else was speaking). I am very thankful for friends that allow me to crash their lives and homes for a day to enjoy the beach.

...porque es Sevilla

[Pics have nothing to do with the post]
Fabiano helping the Real Madrid goalkeeper after Fabiano took him out

It’s been very difficult to get a hold on what I actually do at night and how it happens. I rarely have a plan after dinner, but it seems like every night I have found something to do. It always starts the same way. I eat dinner at 8:30 and around 9:15 I leave the house to walk around for an hour. Once a week I will grab an ice cream on the way out of the neighborhood.

To show you how random my nights are I will give you examples of a few nights this week. On Tuesday I wandered into Macarena which is a barrio (neighborhood) about 15 minutes away. I found this bar, Caferia, a couple weeks ago where the bartender, Carmen, is not only cute but she doesn’t speak English. So, in order for us to communicate I have to speak Spanish to her. I think she enjoys correcting and laughing at my bad grammar. I was in there for about a half hour and I left to go home. On the way I heard this American and I was laughing at what she was saying to her non-American friends. Not knowing that I knew English she asked, “What are you smiling at?” I found out she was from Texas and is an au pair here. Her friends are also au pairs and I walked them back to their barrio asking them about their jobs. On the way back I ran into classmates and I sat with them at a restaurant for awhile. Before I know it I wasn't walking home until 2:30.

Part of The Cathedral

The next night, Wednesday, started out a little earlier, but I still went into it without any type of plan. I met Carmen for coffee before dinner. She wants to learn English and I obviously I am trying to learn Spanish so when we meet for coffee she only speaks English and I only speak Spanish. It takes awhile to have a conversation, but all I have is time anyway. After coffee we walk over to her friend Margo’s store. It turns out it is Margo’s birthday and she was nice enough to invite me to a little party that night that started at 10:00.

I went home to eat dinner and then met Carmen at Caferia at 12:30 when she was closing the bar. We walked to the party which was on the roof of an apartment building. There were about 20 Spaniards, Italians, and even another American. We drank fresh mojitos and ate a homemade Italian cake. It was a lot of fun, but again I found myself out well past 2:00.

Plaza de España

This is what happens almost every night and I love it. The best part is that Spanish is spoken most of the time so I get to work on what I am studying. When people ask me why this happens I have come to one standard answer...porque es Sevilla (because it's Sevilla).